Family Talk with Pastor Comfort Adebayo: ATTAINING INTIMACY IN MARRIAGE

People marry dreaming of love, but romance is nourished by an intimate friendship. Frankly speaking, there are many differences between men and women. But despite different emotional response to life’s situations, intimate bonds of trust, loyalty, openness, and closeness can still be achieved.

WHAT IS INTIMACY? (Songs of Solomon 2:16, Ephesians 5:33) The word intimacy is derived from a Latin word “intimus” which means “inmost”, referring to a state of confidentiality and a deeply personal relationship. (Genesis 2:24) Perhaps it is best symbolized by bonds of emotional closeness between a husband and wife who are responsive to the needs of each other. It is the experience of understanding and being understood by someone who loves you.

When a couple attains true intimacy, their marriage will become the most meaningful and interesting relationship on earth. To be candid, intimacy is not achieved overnight. It develops overtime as two people relate with each other in an atmosphere of care and warmth. An intimate relationship can be said to be one in which TRUST and HONESTY are evident: in which both parties do not fear that their partners would criticize their thoughts or feelings or crucify them for any form of mistake. Intimacy is only complete when achieved in the emotional, physical, social and spiritual realms. These are expanded below:

SPIRITUAL INTIMACY (Galatians 6: 2) As a husband and wife draw closer to God individually, they also draw closer to each other. A couple wishing to experience complete intimacy in marriage must seek spiritual intimacy first. Spiritually intimacy provides a depth of power beyond what ordinary couples know in their marriages. Attending a Word-based church together, praying together as a family, sharing your challenges and praying about them in agreement with the Word of God would help build spiritual intimacy.

EMOTIONAL INTIMACY (Proverbs 16:22) Emotional intimacy begins when couples share their feelings, beliefs, goals, interests and time together. Showing interest in your partner’s life (career and business wise), sharing the happenings of the day together; this leads to an involvement in each other’s lives as well as a feeling of being understood. Avoid nagging, criticism and faultfinding which can create a gulf between you and your spouse. (Ephesians 4:31-32)

PHYSICAL INTIMACY (Genesis 2:25) In any relationship, passion and desire that last a lifetime are only a result of shared values, goals and belief. The satisfaction of your love life is determined by the closeness you have achieved with your partner. The physical dimension of your relationship is not enough to keep the relationship exciting; your sexual life will only be substantially enhanced by a high level of emotional closeness between the couple.

SOCIAL INTIMACY (Genesis 26:8) This involves sharing your interests and hobbies. Some couples have interests and hobbies that are worlds apart. If your husband loves football; develop interest in it, or your wife loves reading, why not start reading together in other to know the kind of information your partner is exposed to which will consequently help you to understand how your partner thinks and acts. Trying your best to be involved in the activities of your partner, not only gives you a common ground for communication, but it will make you more intimate and helps to see things the same way. I want to counsel you that your partner must be the closest person to you in the whole world: your best friend, your confidant and counselor.That is what is called TRUE INTIMACY!